You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
