yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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