Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
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