he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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