I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
