Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
