Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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