mondays should just be called national damage control day
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
