okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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