i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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