Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
