i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
it glows. i had to have it.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
