Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
