There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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