I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
