guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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