I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
