Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
