They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
