and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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