the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
