Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
