he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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