I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
