y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
