i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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