so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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