My friends, they love my intelligence
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
he quoted the bible to break up with me
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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