i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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