I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
