I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
