so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I will be naked everywhere
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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