"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Congratulations! We have a period
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