you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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