dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
