I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
