the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
