No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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