the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
