Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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