Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
