I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
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