Can Purell be used as lube?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
