How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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