and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
