i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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