Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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