dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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