My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
