My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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