Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
